The Life and Times of Firecat
by Karama9
Summary: The story of how things went horribly wrong for Miss Heliksa Hauser, also known  to herself  as Firecat.
1. Prologue

**Author's Notes**

*shuffles feet, looking sheepish*

Yeah… I kind of sort of made another fake Sue for purposes of mocking them.

But at least, unlike when I unleashed Esuma in The Flames of Paradise, I'm telling you up front this time. That's progress, right? Right? :D

Also, the setting is a bit different. The poor girl in this story should by all right be humanity's saviour and have all the men at her feet, but she has the misfortune of living in a universe too realistic for her kind.

I'm sure you'd figure it out on your own, but just to save you the trouble of noticing the pattern right away, I've used section breaks to break things up when the point of view changes. It's all third person, but it will move from looking at things the way my Sue sees them to reflecting the perceptions of the other characters.

Oh, and another note… this is set in my usual AU, after Apprentices.

Very short prologue, but updates will be pretty quick. I think.

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Heliksa leaned against the bars of her cell and sighed heavily, staring at the hair she held between the thumb and forefinger of her right hand.

The _grey_ hair.

She had just spotted it in her mirror that morning, mocking her, and had angrily ripped it out.

She glared at it. Grey! It didn't even have the decency to be snow white or even a gleaming silver! It was just grey, like an ugly little wire that had somehow found its way into the beautiful, deep auburn of her hair.

She cursed and threw the offending follicle at the floor. It floated down in a completely unsatisfying way. She screamed, prompting a snicker from her cellmate, some homely woman whose name she kept forgetting.

"Stop being such a drama queen," the woman said, "it's going to give you grey hair." She laughed at that.

Heliksa pouted at her. "Anybody would be upset over… this!" she said, gesturing at the cell. "It's no wonder my health is failing, in such a dismal environment! Not to mention the company! No offense, of course."

Her cellmate rolled her eyes; thankfully for her own sanity, she had long since decided that nothing her annoying cellmate said had any importance.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this!" Heliksa continued, sitting on the bed and slouching dejectedly.

"Yeah, yeah," the other woman said absently, already resigned to yet another retelling of Heliksa's life story. "I know, I know. You're special."

"That's hardly my fault," Heliksa replied, "but yes, I am. It is soooo frustrating to be wasting away in here when I could be saving civilization instead… and at the same time, am I a horrible person for thinking that if civilization is going to be doing this" she gestured at the cell again, "to me, it deserves to do without me?"

Her cellmate offered no answer.

"I know, it's a hard question," Heliksa continued. "It's because this is all wrong! It started with those two boys; those soldiers." She paused and sighed, a melancholic smile on her face. "Pirate Boy and Mr. Ninja… it's not that I blame them, they were in love with me, so of course they were competing for my attention. They couldn't know they'd end up drawing Cobra's attention to us."


	2. Chapter 1: Pirate Boy and Mr Ninja

**Author's Notes**

I'm sure you'd figure it out on your own, but just to save you the trouble of noticing the pattern right away, I've used section breaks to break things up when the point of view changes. It's all third person, but it will move from looking at things the way my Sue sees them to reflecting the perceptions of the other characters.

Oh, and another note… this is set in my usual AU, after Apprentices.

Thanks for reading!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1: Pirate Boy and Mr. Ninja Make the Scene<strong>

_- Fifteen years earlier -_

"Close the door behind you and sit down," Hawk instructed the two young men who had just come into his office.

Kamakura, who had entered last, dutifully closed the door and locked it. He then took a chair next to Billy, who was already sitting down and leaning forward, looking like he was ready to bounce like a spring on whatever it was Hawk had for them to do. He could hardly blame him: there hadn't been much going on recently and he was rather eager to find out about their assignment too.

He sat down straight and waited patiently, barely allowing himself to look at Hawk. Billy held back a snort at his sword brother's desperate attempt to look cool and composed, then quickly sat straighter himself.

"Bored, are we?" Hawk asked with a knowing smirk. "Well then, you'll be happy to know you're going to a high school Halloween party."

The two ninja apprentices blinked at him. The General continued before they had a chance to voice a response. "This is Miss Heliksa Hauser," he said, passing a picture to them.

Billy let out a quickly stifled appreciative whistle. Kamakura shot him a glare and elbowed him, but his own eyes widened slightly when he caught sight of the picture as well: the girl really was very pretty, with thick dark auburn hair, a face that could net her a modeling career, and sparkling green eyes. Enough of her body was included in the frame to show a rather revealing top and the young man immediately looked away when his eyes started sliding down from the young woman's face.

"Sorry. Hauser, is it?" Billy asked, tearing his eye away from the picture with some difficulty. "Is she related to Duke?"

Hawk made a so-so motion with his hand. "Seventh degree cousin," he said. "They don't so much as know about each other. Her English teacher is Mainframe's aunt, as well. She is also a neighbor of an old friend of Barbecue's, and… well, to make a long story short, she is vaguely linked to ten different members of GI Joe. The ones I just gave you are the closest relationships. The trouble is that her uncle is a high ranking general and he's recently found out about all these relationships. He's afraid they make her a target, and he wants us to offer her some discrete protection while she attends this party. You two are still young enough to pass as high school students, so you're it. Billy, we don't want to draw any attention, so you will dress as a pirate. Do you still have that Blue Corsair costume?"

Billy nodded, smiling. "I think I'll skip the blue hair, though."

"Definitely. A wig and a bit of facial hair wouldn't hurt, either, just to make you harder to recognize. Kamakura, you have more options; in fact I don't really care what you dress up as, but no body paint… you'd stand out far too much. You'll have to find a new costume."

"Dressing as a ninja would allow me to carry weapons while pretending they're fake," Kamakura suggested.

Hawk nodded. "Fine, but something that doesn't look like any Joe's actual uniform. Here's your rendez vous point," he said, handing them an envelope. "She will be expecting you."

* * *

><p>Heliksa paid as much attention as she could to her teacher, Sensei Johnson, but she was admittedly distracted; she could see, right outside the window, the two boys her uncle had described to her, the ones who were soldiers posing as teenagers and who were to accompany her to the school's Halloween party after her class. Exactly as her uncle had told her, one was dressed as a pirate and the other as a ninja, of all things.<p>

She didn't agree with her uncle at all about her needing protection. With everything life had already thrown at her in a mere 18 years, it should have been obvious that she could handle herself. Besides, she was among the best students here at Sensei Johnson's ninjitsu school, which meant she was, for all intents and purposes, a real ninja. It made the fact that a fake one was meant to protect her rather ironic.

She had no doubt that by the time these two soldiers went back to their unit, they'd realize that she belonged with them and beg her to join them. That was the only reason she was putting up with their escorting her tonight; it would have been terribly selfish on her part to deny the elite anti-terrorists unit the chance to discover her potential.

"Miss Heliksa!"

Her sensei's voice tore her away from her thoughts. She quickly bowed. "I'm awfully sorry, Sensei," she said, thinking quickly to find a cover story. "I was… distracted. By my two… friends. Outside."

She waited for his reaction, satisfied by her improvisation. She didn't like lying, of course, but she didn't want her teacher involved in the newest troubles that had befallen her.

He seemed to mull that over for a moment, then nodded. "Go tell them to come inside and wait by the bench. They won't be as distracting behind my students, and maybe they will learn something by watching the class."

She bowed and ran to the door. She waved the two over. "My sensei noticed you," she whispered urgently. "I told him that you were my friends, but he has requested that you wait inside. Honestly, can't you two keep your cover? I shouldn't have to bail you out!"

They looked at her with wide eyes, then at each other.

"Come along, now!" she urged. She didn't think she needed protectors at all, but she was still rather annoyed at how useless these two were turning out to be. She turned her back on them and went back inside herself, plastering a smile on her face, making it appear to her teacher and fellow students that all was well.

* * *

><p>Billy and Kamakura followed the girl in after a quick shrug to each other; they needed to stick to their characters, so educating the girl on how to actually protect or save a cover (it involved NOT constantly staring at your accomplices as if you'd never seen anything more interesting in your life) would have to wait.<p>

"Yeah, so… err… can we wait on the bench or what?" Billy asked in a bored, drawling voice.

Kamakura didn't wait for an answer and sprawled himself on the bench, displaying remarkable acting abilities by acting less than perfectly polite and respectful.

"You are disturbing my class," the sensei growled at them. "Sit down straight and be quiet."

Billy sat down meekly on the bench and Kamakura straightened up. The lesson started again.

Within minutes, both ninja apprentices were making valiant efforts not to roll their eyes, cry out or laugh. They had heard of ninjitsu schools before, and knew that as was the case with most martial arts, there were good teachers and bad ones.

Sensei Johnson was worse than they could possibly have expected; the man looked like he had learned everything he knew from watching old ninja movies. Perhaps inspired by his pirate costume, Billy amused himself by thinking that Polly with a headband would make a more convincing ninja and probably win a duel against Miss Hauser's teacher. Kamakura was staring in disbelief, holding his head very stiffly to avoid shaking it.

They both lost their battle not to react when Sensei Johnson demonstrated a particularly inefficient hold that was in fact more dangerous for the person performing it than for their opponent. The sensei heard their low groans, stopped what he was doing and turned to them with a fierce scowl that was at least more impressive than his technique.

A glance between the two ninja apprentices was enough to confirm they'd stay the course and act as unimpressed as they were; it wasn't like teenagers being a bit rude and trying to look cooler than everyone else around would look particularly suspicious.

* * *

><p>Heliksa gritted her teeth, mortified, as Sensei Johnson glared at her two pretend friends.<p>

"It seems our two guests find what I am teaching you to be scorn-worthy," Sensei Johnson said. "I'd hate for them to leave with the wrong impression of this school… perhaps they'd agree to a more direct demonstration of the skills I teach my students? Since you," he pointed to Kamakura, "are impersonating a ninja today, maybe you'd like to see whether your skills compare to that of…" he paused and looked at his students, seeking a volunteer.

Heliksa thrust her hand up into the air. Her teacher cocked her head at her questioningly.

"I'm simply horrified by their attitude," she said honestly. She bit back her other reason for volunteering: to show the soldiers that she did not actually need them, that she could protect herself better than they possibly could.

Her teacher smiled and nodded. "Very well." He turned back to the soldier dressed as a ninja. "What will it be, young man? Will you be brave enough to show us your doubtlessly amazing ninja skills?" He chuckled a bit at that.

The young man pulled himself up to a slouching position. "Sure," he said with a snicker. "'Bout time she found out her fancy karate stuff doesn't work for real." He turned to face her. "I won't hurt ya," he said smugly.

She scowled at him; he had nerve, she'd give him that. It was a shame that in this case, being brave was exactly the same as being stupid. She got into the lion position, a signature of the school.

"Dude, you're totally going to get your ass kicked by Hel," Pirate Boy snickered.

"Whatever, man," Mr. Ninja answered. "So, err… should I try to punch you or something?" he asked Heliksa.

She answered by rushing him. She naturally had him pinned on the floor in short order.

"What were you saying doesn't work?" she asked, smiling sweetly down at him, her rich, thick hair tickling his face.

* * *

><p>Kamakura turned red and looked away without answering. He was itching to throw the sneering, over-confident girl off of him and to show the whole class what he could really do, but the urge was of course ridiculous. As humiliating as it was to pretend he'd been defeated by the most flawed attack he'd ever seen, showing off was out of the question while they were posing as average teenagers.<p>

It was still infuriating, especially with Billy laughing his head off on the bench. In Billy's defense, it was fully appropriate for his role to be laughing at him, but then, Kamakura reasoned that being angry about it was perfectly in character for him, too, so he didn't hold back a scowl directed at his sword brother.

"I say, how shameless of you to laugh at your friend's defeat!" Heliksa exclaimed indignantly, glaring at Billy. "Do you want a turn?"

The subject of her ire put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, smirking. He had no intention to fight Heliksa, or anyone else in the dojo for that matter; it made no sense to take the chance that someone might kick his metal leg or knock his eye patch loose. "No thanks," he said with a chuckle. "This is one pirate who knows better than to take on a ninja."


	3. Chapter 2: Ruffians Attack!

**Chapter 2: Ruffians Attack!**

About half an hour later, Billy, Kamakura and Heliksa set off for the party. The apprentices' charge had put on her costume – some kind of elf getup – immediately after her class, having brought it with her.

Kamakura cleared his throat as soon as they were out of sight and earshot of the martial arts school.

"Whatever you do," he said in a whisper, addressing the girl, "never use that move against a real opponent. You would get killed."

She made a face at him. "I went easy on you by just pinning you," she said. "Honestly, you ought to show some more respect to Sensei, he IS a master ninja, you know?"

Billy snorted. "No, he's not. He's a total hack, sorry. Ted let you pin him;" he said, whispering as well and referring to Kamakura by his borrowed name for the night. "If he had been a bad guy, he could have bashed your head in, or broke all your fingers, or kicked you in the stomach hard enough to make you pass out."

"He's right," Kamakura intervened, cutting Heliksa as she was about to protest. "You weren't defending your head or your midsection at all, and your fingers were spread out and extended well within my reach."

"That was a really, really bad attack," Billy concluded. "You were completely open and you're nowhere near fast enough to get away with it against an average opponent."

Heliksa scowled. "You don't know what you're talking about. How could you? Soldiers like you would only be taught brawling by some brute who doesn't believe in the finesse of martial arts. I owe my very sanity to Sensei Johnson… if it weren't for him, I would most certainly have given in under the weight of some of the horrible things that have happened to me. Pray you never understand," she added in a dramatic tone.

Billy had clenched his jaw when the girl had casually blown their covers by calling them soldiers out loud, but he went from tense to sagging in despair at her last comment, scarcely believing she'd actually said that, and in that tone. He mentally scolded himself; it was possible she did in fact have a past as awful as she was letting on. It would have been odd for Hawk not to include that in the file he'd given them, but there could be a number of reasons for such an omission.

Sean was scanning the area for signs that anyone had heard her, but had thankfully followed his lead of not making things worse by reacting strongly while she was talking.

Billy barked a fake laugh.

"We don't play that anymore," he said, trying to make it sound like she had been referring to some kind of online game. "Too many cheaters."

"Yeah," Kamakura followed with a snort, "and that was no fun once they fixed the hole _you_ were using. Right, Jack the Hack?"

"What on Earth are you…?" Heliksa started.

"Jack the Hack?" Billy interrupted. "That was my nickname in the forums," he said. "They kind of figured me out when I went from Private to General in two hours. So anyway, we don't play it anymore. We're full civvies again."

* * *

><p>It took Heliksa a moment to figure out what the soldiers were doing, but she finally concluded that they were concerned Cobra was somehow hiding in the residential street and would automatically identify them if they heard her refer to them as soldiers.<p>

She let out a long suffering sigh; it wasn't as if she could have guessed they wanted that much caution from their earlier behaviour.

"All right," she whispered, "we'll play it your way."

They nodded and started pattering on about the party. She let them at it, letting her mind drift on her own thoughts; she was meeting her boyfriend at the party, and was both looking forward to it and dreading the fact she'd still be shadowed by her useless escort.

To think that with everything she had survived on her own, she had to put up with such obviously incompetent boys… it was truly unfair. There had to be a way she could shake them off; after all, surely they'd agree with her if they knew…

"It amazes me when my uncle worries about me," she mused out loud. "You'd think that, being a general, he'd realize this does not even compare to some of my past trials."

Pirate Boy, who had been in the middle of saying something – what, she had no idea – stopped and gave her a curious look.

* * *

><p>Billy stared at the girl, dumbfounded. She'd just interrupted his carefully planned inane conversation with Kamakura - designed to make them sound like typical teenagers looking forward to a good party – with, of all thing, a comment on her uncle being a general and worrying about her.<p>

"Ah, forget him," Kamakura quickly improvised. "He's just being overprotective."

"Of course," Heliksa answered, sounding, much as she had since the moment they had met her, a lot like an actress portraying a stereotypical aristocrat. "But to be fair, he does have good reasons."

"Are you sure you want to talk about that in public, Hel?" Billy asked. He kept any irritation out of his voice, trying to appear to any potential eavesdropper as though he was merely concerned for his friend's privacy.

"Firecat."

Kamakura and Billy looked at each other, each hoping the other one knew something they didn't and could decipher the nonsensical answer.

"You called me Hel," their charge explained in a somewhat impatient tone, and again far too loudly for someone trying not to be noticed. "My friends call me Firecat, and incidentally, it is the name of the character you see before you." She posed, showing off her costume.

Kamakura's eyes widened. Billy felt his mouth twitch between the urge to laugh and the one to scream at the general's niece to shut up already. Heliksa was something of a life lesson, especially when she was posing like that, stretching herself in a manner that was just short of suggestive; pretty as she was, she was so irritating that it was becoming harder and harder to tolerate her at all. Thankfully, Sean was proving to be quite good at keeping his cool when confronted with complete idiots.

"We know you dressed up as your character," he said with a snicker. "But we never called you that and we're not going to start tonight."

"Yeah, it's not like you don't keep asking us," Billy said, trying to point out that since they were posing as her friends, she couldn't go and make it obvious that they didn't know her chosen nickname already by telling them about it as if for the first time. "We know your girlfriends do it, but guys don't do silly names."

* * *

><p>Heliksa rolled her eyes, but she suddenly understood the soldiers' determination to be overly cautious; the macho comment that guys didn't use silly names, paired with the way they had looked at her when she had posed in her costume, made it clear that they had both fallen for her and were therefore both trying to impress her. It wasn't surprising, really. She was aware of how she looked, and what could possibly be more natural for army boys than to be attracted to a strong, powerful girl who ALSO looked like a fairytale princess they could easily picture as a damsel in distress in their fantasies? In fact, now that she thought about it, it was obvious that she had to be painfully irresistible to Pirate Boy and Mr. Ninja, or whatever their names were.<p>

She pouted prettily, trying to convey they were upsetting her without being too mean herself. "It's not silly at all! Names should reflect a person's true self, don't you think? Take you, for example. I think of you as Mr. Ninja because er…" she trailed off, trying to remember his actual name, intent on pointing out that it was meaningless.

"'cause my costume is totally convincing," Mr. Ninja said, interrupting her before she had a chance to finish what she'd been saying and buffing his nails as if she'd been complimenting him.

Pirate Boy snorted, cutting her off just as she had been about to correct Mr. Ninja. "Yeah," he chuckled. "You looked real ninja-like, falling over when she tackled you with that weird move." He opened his arms wide and flailed them around in a poor imitation of the technique she had used.

"He had no chance!" she protested. "Despite what you may think, Mr. Martial Arts Expert Pirate, the Eagle's Assault can be neither blocked nor dodged!"

"Still looks stupid," Pirate Boy replied.

"Yeah, that was the most embarrassing part," Mr. Ninja snickered.

Heliksa felt her blood boil. "That is quite enough," she said, as calmly as she could. "You will not impress me by disrespecting my teacher or my abilities. Besides, I would prefer that you remain professionals, especially since I already have a boyfriend! We're meeting him at the party, in fact, and you will see then how fruitless your efforts to seduce me really are. Frederic is my soul mate, and nobody could EVER come between us. So, please, stop insulting Sensei Johnson's teachings! You are not gaining my admiration, you are merely irritating me! And furthermore… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Both boys had just grabbed her arms. Without answering her question, they started running, dragging her along.

* * *

><p>"How many are following?" Kamakura asked while running, not wanting to turn around; it was already awkward enough to run while dragging the girl, who was literally screaming and thrashing.<p>

"Sounds like four or five," Billy replied. "Miss Hauser, will you shut up and run? We're trying to get you to safety!"

"Whatever are you talking about?" she cried out. "And how dare you just grab me and run like that?"

"You didn't even hear me, did you?" Sean asked, still running. "I spotted someone I recognized as a Cobra walking fast towards us and told you both to run!"

"And you just kept babbling on, so we grabbed you!" Billy added. "Kamakura, there's a group ahead of us running this way!"

Kamakura cursed and on a sudden inspiration, turned sharply, dragging the other two straight through a poorly lit neighborhood playground and into the undeveloped brush on the other side of it. He then let go of Heliksa's arm to turn around, unsheathing his swords.

"Then we take care of this bunch before their friends get here," he said, throwing one of the swords at Billy and getting into position. "Hopefully we're enough out of the way now not to attract too much attention."

Heliksa reached for the sword, but Billy pushed her away and caught it out of the air. The troopers – seven of them - caught up seconds later and, in a clear sign that they weren't expecting much resistance, did not shoot right away, instead barking orders to hand the girl over.

Kamakura did not bother with an answer and rushed them. Billy ordered Heliksa to stay back and jumped into the fray as well.

"Oh, of all the foolishness!" Heliksa protested. "How many times must I tell you that I am a NINJA!"

And with that, she threw herself at the attackers.

* * *

><p>The heat of the battle was the fiercest adrenalin rush she had ever felt. She kicked, jumped, dodged, punched, and loved every second of it.<p>

Right until one of her useless escort threw himself at her and knocked her to the ground, and just for good measure, groaned and tensed right on top of her.

She pushed him off, disgusted, and went to fight again, but the battle was already over. She ran a hand through her hair to get it out of her face and smirked.

"Well!" she said brightly. "I do hope you see now that I don't need…"

"Shut up," Pirate Boy hissed, clutching his shoulder as he got up from the ground. "I told you to stay back! What do you think, that I jumped on you for fun? You almost got shot!"

"You silly thing," she said compassionately. She could forgive the uncouth language from a boy whose body and pride were both injured. "My instincts would have warned me and made me duck if I'd been in any actual danger, but I AM touched you tried so hard to protect me. Here," she added, getting behind him to have a look at his shoulder, "let me have a look. Fortunately for you, I excel at First Aid."

He stepped away. "No time," he said, pointing towards the street.

Heliksa smiled: a second group of attackers, this one composed of four men dressed in blue with red face masks, was now within view. Her smile vanished when Pirate Boy planted himself between her and the newcomers.

"I take it I'm on?" Mr. Ninja asked, glancing at Pirate Boy.

"I won't allow it!" Heliksa called out firmly. "Kameraku, is it? I, Firecat, will assist you since your companion was injured!"

He did not respond, already running towards the enemy. She started after him.

* * *

><p>Billy sagged slightly in exasperation, causing a flash of pain from the bullet in his shoulder to go right down his side. He extended his good arm and pinched the foolish girl's sleeping point just as she was running off after Kamakura. She gasped, managing to do even that in an overly theatrical fashion, and collapsed backwards on him.<p>

He resisted the urge to just move and let her fall to the ground and instead, caught her with his good arm and deposited her down. He glanced at Kamakura to check on him and snorted; the last two troopers were just falling down.

"Show off," he said in mock reproach.

"Against a mere four troopers?" Kamakura replied, posing and talking in a fair imitation of their currently unconscious charge. "And without you two in the way? It's hardly an accomplishment to have prevailed!"

"Stop," Billy said, cringing. "She's going to wake up soon, don't ruin my break."

"YOUR break?" Sean said. "Who had to take a fall in front of a bunch of wannabes?"

"I got shot," Billy pointed out.

"Yeah, about that… you really need to improve your dodging," Kamakura teased. "That was terrible."

"It's harder when you have to make someone else dodge, too."

"You didn't have to; didn't you hear?" Kamakura said, snickering. "She wasn't in danger, or her instincts would have warned her!"

Billy rolled his eye at him. "Whatever. Oh, by the way… I GOT SHOT. Mind helping me bandage it before I bleed all over her costume? I'm thinking we'd never hear the end of it."

Kamakura snickered but started looking through his 'school back pack' for their first aid kit. "I'm amazed they were able to stop staring at her long enough to shoot, actually."

Billy's snort was cut short by a wince as he had to manoeuvre his arm to get his shirt off. "You know you're bad when even troopers can't believe how stupid you look," he said, his smirk already coming back. "She looked like a cross between an octopus on crack and a peacock on acid. I wouldn't have thought anyone could move that much without hitting anything."

"Ah, see?" Kamakura asked with a chuckle as he cleaned the wound on Billy's shoulder. "She IS special."

"Hm," Billy said, suddenly looking serious again.

Kamakura bandaged the wound and cocked his head, but his sword brother said nothing more, lost in thoughts.


	4. Chapter 3: Past and Present Revealed!

**Chapter 3: Past and Present Revealed**

"… two separate groups. We're under a play set in a neighbourhood playground now, Kamakura's on look-out. I have a bullet in my shoulder and can't move my right arm much. Kamakura and Miss Hauser are both unharmed."

Heliksa blinked slowly a few times and sat up. Pirate Boy, whose voice had woken her up, was sitting next to her, his shirt stained red on the shoulder, and was talking on the phone.

"What happened to me?" she asked. "Are you absolutely sure I'm not harmed? Why did I faint?"

"Yes, Flint, that's her," Pirate Boy said in the phone. "She didn't faint, as such. I had to pinch her sleeping point to prevent her from jumping into a firefight again." He looked at her at those words, looking strangely angry.

Her eyes widened. Sensei Johnson had told them about sleeping points, but the technique was far too dangerous to teach just anybody and none of them had yet earned the right to learn how to find them. She was of course very close, and expected a private lesson on that subject to be scheduled very soon.

"You used my sleeping point?" she asked, letting anger creep into her voice. "Don't you know how dangerous that is? And where did you even learn to do that?"

He put a finger up, wincing as he raised his arm, to ask her to hold on. She clenched her jaw, the rudeness just adding to her anger.

"That's what I figure too," he said after a moment. He listened for a while again. "Will do."

He hung up and turned to her. He still looked upset.

"I saved your life," he said. "And just because your teacher doesn't know how to use sleeping points safely doesn't mean nobody does."

Despite the insult to Sensei Johnson, Heliksa's anger melted away and she let out a heavy sigh; the foolish boy had merely been desperately trying to keep her safe, and he was still shaken by their adventure and the crippling fear he had no doubt felt when he thought he might lose her. The anger and harsh words she was hearing now were nothing more than the yelps of a frightened puppy. She shook her head.

"You really are a silly thing, aren't you?" she said. "I could have easily defeated them all by myself."

* * *

><p>Billy wilfully pressed down on his thigh with his good hand to resist performing a face palm. He took a deep breath and tried hard to come up with a gentle way to tell the delusional girl that she was batshit insane and had already almost gotten herself killed once tonight.<p>

Oblivious to his struggle, Miss Hauser had taken out a toiletry kit and was retouching her hair and makeup as well as she could in the dim glow of the distant street lights. After a few moments of thinking and coming up with nothing gentler than calling her an idiot, Billy gave up on attempting to communicate and concentrated on the sounds around them, listening for anyone coming their way.

Kamakura slipped in their little hideout a few minutes later. He nodded at Heliksa but then turned his full attention to Billy.

"There doesn't seem to be anyone else coming," he said, "and I hid the bodies in the brush back there. What did General Hawk say?"

"I talked to Flint, actually. He was really surprised we ran into trouble."

"Yeah, well, I was too, to be honest," Sean sighed. "I mean, I wasn't going to drop cover and take a chance for nothing," he glared at Heliksa at that, although she didn't seem to notice, "but I wasn't expecting Cobra to actually be after a civilian just because she's vaguely connected to a few of us. I mean, realistically, it's not like they should have even known."

Billy nodded, but their charge was suddenly frowning and started talking before he did.

"You thought it was only about those connections? You thought my uncle lied about the threats?" she asked indignantly. "Why would he do that?"

Kamakura blinked, completely confused. Billy, who had after all just spent several minutes talking about the current situation with Flint, had to hold back a smirk.

"I don't think anything," he said in a defensive tone. "We weren't told about the threats." He left out the fact that neither had Hawk or Flint. "I don't know why, I guess it's sensitive information or something."

"Well, it's no wonder you've been so sloppy!" she cried out. "If you must know, Cobra is blackmailing my uncle, and since he's refusing to do their bidding, they're now threatening me!"

"Your uncle turned down a demand from Cobra?" Billy asked. "That was really courageous; they don't take no for an answer, usually."

That was, as far as he knew, an outright lie; historically, Cobra was much more into bribery than blackmail, for the simple reason that blackmail often ended up being complicated by people seeking protection, while bribery did not. As a result, Cobra did in fact take no for an answer through their various puppet committees and lobby groups, and simply moved on to the next bribe target with no hard feelings from the missed target and therefore, no complications. It wasn't as though there was a shortage of corrupt people to try and buy out.

Kamakura, who knew that too and who had figured out, by now, that Billy and Flint had guessed threats had been involved and probably a few more things, nodded enthusiastically at Billy's praise of Miss Hauser's uncle.

* * *

><p>Heliksa made no effort to hide her exasperation and rolled her eyes.<p>

"Well of COURSE he's courageous," she said. "He IS a highly decorated General, you know?" She flicked her hair with her hand, feeling that a break in her speech was needed to make her point better. "They claim he agreed to do something for them; a ludicrous notion, obviously, and now they're trying to force his hand by threatening me! It baffles me that your General failed to let you know the seriousness of my situation!"

Maddeningly, Pirate Boy turned to Mr. Ninja to talk to him rather than to her. "That's what I would guess the Commander's reaction would be if someone accepted a bribe and then didn't deliver," he said.

"How is that relevant?" she asked. "My uncle would never accept a bribe and besides, I don't care what Cobra's motivations are. I do, however, guarantee you that your superior officer will have to answer to my uncle for not impressing upon you the danger I am in. Not that it matters, I suppose... I am perfectly capable of looking after myself. Why, I would have died several times over already, were I not particularly resistant to fate's attempts to crush me."

She looked up at the two soldiers to find them avoiding her eyes and nervously fidgeting with their fingers. Pity washed over her; ultimately, it was not their fault that they had been sent on a mission they weren't qualified for. And here they were, desperately trying to deal with their commanding officer's incompetence and with their growing feelings for the very person they were not capable of protecting.

"There's no need to apologize," she said gently. "I know you are doing your best, and I keep telling you I don't actually need protection."

"Miss Hauser, I can appreciate that you're a very strong person, but your combat skills are not nearly as good as your teacher has led you to believe," Mr. Ninja said. "You were almost killed…"

"No," she said, keeping her tone firm but gentle, "I wasn't. Someone shot in my general direction, that's all. I've already explained to you that I was never in danger. Do pay attention, I beg you."

"Give it up, Kamakura," Pirate Boy said. "You're not going to convince her."

* * *

><p>Kamakura took a deep breath: Billy was right and as they had agreed through their signed conversation minutes earlier, it was best to keep Heliksa talking and to see how much more information they could get out of her. Billy had already signed that their orders were to head for the party to avoid Heliksa running off on them or Cobra choosing to just hold the whole school hostage, and that reinforcements were being sent.<p>

"All right," Kamakura said. "But we do need you to trust us to protect you, so I think I need to be honest with you. The reason we reacted like that in your ninjitsu class is that… err… your school's style is very different than the one we've learned from our own ninja masters."

The girl's eyes opened wide, but her surprise was almost immediately replaced by visible amusement. "You're learning ninjitsu as well, are you? I'm sorry, I don't mean to mock you, but…" she sighed. "There is no gentle way to put this: you are either atrocious students, or you are cursed with very poor teachers. Your lack of appreciation for Sensei Johnson's skills clearly demonstrates as much."

"Will you spar with me again?" Kamakura asked. "With both of us aiming for a immobilizing hold?"

"Kamakura," Billy groaned. "This is a BAD idea… wait. No, not that bad. I mean, if she starts calling you a ninja, that's fine, right? Just matches your disguise. Sure, it's still kind of pathetic that you want a rematch that bad, but…"

"I want her to know that I can fight for her and that she doesn't need to get involved!" Sean protested.

Heliksa got up, still looking very much amused. "I wouldn't dream of denying you a second chance to impress me. Although, as I've told you earlier, your efforts to seduce me are futile; I have already found my soul mate in Frederick."

Billy cocked his head, an idea suddenly striking him. "You know, " he said, "it WOULD be best for you to pretend you're not a fighter. Cobra has been known to abduct particularly good fighters and then force them to use their skills and talents in the service of evil."

Sean kept his face carefully neutral at the lie, which was obviously inspired by the fight club their senseis had made up a few months earlier, and nodded in pretend agreement. He got out from under the play set and got into a basic defensive stance, more to show he was taking the fight seriously than out of need.

"Attack me," he told the girl.

Heliksa narrowed her eyes, crawled out as well and launched at him, diving for his legs. Kamakura easily sidestepped her but, thinking she'd claim he'd been lucky, did not take advantage of the fact she was lying face down on the ground to immediately pin her under him. He put a foot on her back instead.

"I could have stomped on you and broke your spinal cord just now," he informed her before stepping aside again.

She clambered to a crouch and jumped up at him, arms extended. He grabbed them and using her own momentum, redirected her to weakly slam her into the side of the play set.

"And this time, I could have broken both your arms," he said.

* * *

><p>Heliksa narrowed her eyes at Mr. Ninja. She had to admit, he was better than she had thought; nowhere near her level, of course, but she figured he really could hold his own in a fight against regular people.<p>

It didn't excuse his cheating by using utterly un-ninja-like dodging moves in an effort to show her up. Although she supposed she should have expected as much; what could be more natural for a boy than to try and show physical prowess to the girl he loved?

She crossed her arms and pointedly lifted her nose at him. As natural as wanting to impress her was, she could not excuse going as far as cheating, and she intended to make that clear.

"This is a farce," she said. "Since you cannot spar without cheating, I refuse to continue to humour you."

"There's no such thing as cheating in a fight," Pirate Boy said.

"Of course there is!" she said, trying hard to keep her temper. "Villains cheat all the time, but in their case, it's expected and there is no dishonour in cheating as well. But a spar is not a fight. Had he been a foe, I would have made my first charge against Karaokemu lethal."

"Have I at least convinced you that we can defend you?" Mr. Ninja asked.

"You really shouldn't be giving Cobra MORE reasons to be interested in you, and that's what's going to happen if they find out you're practically a ninja," Pirate Boy added.

Heliksa sighed; boys in general were foolish, but she was starting to realize that soldiers in particular were especially silly. "Very well," she conceded. "For the rest of the night, I will only join a fight if I have no other option."

Both boys smiled at her in an obvious effort to appease her and earn some brownie points. She rolled her eyes.

"If we've wasted quite enough time for your liking," she said, "do you think we can start heading for the party again? You're supposed to escort me, not to make me miss it! I've been through hell and back in this life, I'll have you know. I don't think I'm asking too much when I wish to attend a simple Halloween party!"

"Sure thing," Pirate Boy said. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>Billy cleared his throat as they started walking. As much as he would have preferred otherwise, they were under orders to encourage their charge to talk about herself and her uncle and see what information she might volunteer. They had already acquired solid hints that her uncle had accepted a bribe from Cobra before refusing to do what they wanted; it only made sense to probe for more details. Kamakura gave him a resigned look, knowing just as well as Billy did that they couldn't allow themselves to just enjoy the quiet as Heliksa hurried towards the party, sulking.<p>

"So, Heliksa…" Billy said, intent on asking her about those terrible things from her past that she kept bringing up, "you mentioned…"

She cut him off. "You understand I don't blame either of you, don't you?" she said. "This is my uncle's fault, he simply worries too much. I'm sure you realize by now that I don't actually need any protection."

"You need it more than you think," Kamakura said, sighing heavily. He knew Billy was trying to humour her and just convince her to hide her non-existent skills, but he couldn't help thinking that may not be enough to keep her out of trouble if she remained convinced that she was an unbeatable fighter. "Everything your sensei has taught you is actually useless at best," he continued. "Some of it is downright dangerous, and I don't mean for your opponents!"

Billy rolled his eye; only Kamakura would manage to say 'you suck' so politely.

Heliksa frowned at him. "Your opinion on Sensei Johnson's teachings emphasize your own incompetence, not his," she said. "You are clearly simply unable to accept that a different style than the one you know can in fact be superior."

Kamakura's jaw clenched. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. As he would have guessed, his lack of response did not faze the general's niece.

"And besides," she said, lifting up her nose again, "my training is but part of why I can look after myself. My life has been a series of trials and tragedies, but I have survived them all, and have grown stronger from them."

"I'm very sorry," Billy said, impressing Kamakura by managing to look perfectly sincere. "Was it… the same people as tonight?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Those overgrown bullies?" she scoffed. "No. If you must know, I have faced starvation, I was abandoned, and I was thrown to the wolves." She sighed heavily. "And that's just to name a few. I keep telling you, my life has hardened me… these Cobras of yours may as well be trying to crush a diamond with their bare hands."

Billy and Kamakura's eyes widened. If any of this was true, it was perhaps no wonder the girl was so messed up. But then, they both leaned more towards assuming Heliksa was grossly exaggerating.

* * *

><p>As she had expected, Pirate Boy and Mr. Ninja looked understandably shocked and horrified. She held back a smirk; as painful as it was to dredge up those awful memories, she couldn't help looking forward to the two soldiers finally understanding who they were dealing with. She stopped walking, wanting their full attention.<p>

They stopped as well and turned towards her. She looked into the distance, letting her memories flood through her, accepting the pain so that she may convey the full horror of the events faithfully.

"You look surprised," she said. "Haven't you been paying attention? Or did you need to hear some specifics before you realized the weight of my words?"

They looked at each other, clearly uncomfortable.

"I hope you will not be too disturbed by this, but since you were not taking me seriously before I gave you a small overview of my trials, I feel it necessary to expand upon the subject."

She sighed heavily, mentally readying herself to re-live the horrors of her past.

"I was twelve when I faced the agony of starvation. I was a school bus child back then, and one fateful day, I left my lunch box behind when I disembarked with my comrades. I could hardly ask my friends to sacrifice themselves on my behalf, or stoop to beg the school cafeteria for scraps, so I endured. My stomach was growling by the end of the day, and although my friend was able to reanimate me, I loss consciousness on the ride back home. I owe her my life; something I can never forget even in light of what she later became."

The two boys had their heads down and were wearing peculiar expression that she assumed was a mix of pity over her ordeal and wonder at how brave she had been even at the tender age of twelve.

"Do you really think skipping one meal could have been fatal to you?" Mr. Ninja asked hesitantly.

She frowned. "I was very svelte even back then," she explained patiently. "I lacked the fat reserves one requires to live without food."

Pirate Boy was biting his lips. "Go on," he said through gritted teeth. The poor boy's voice was shaking in horror.

She graced him with a smile and continued. "I was abandoned at thirteen, by my own parents. They left me behind in a park, much like one would a dog on the side of a faraway road. Thankfully, by the time I found them, they were regretting their decision and they heartily denied everything. They were just as attentive to my needs afterward as they had ever been, and I have concluded that they had been suffering from temporary insanity when they so cruelly tried to get rid of me. I have of course forgiven them."

"Thirteen," Pirate Boy said. His fists were clenched.

"Tragic," Mr. Ninja said; like Pirate Boy earlier, he was speaking in a shaky voice through a clenched jaw. "What about the wolves? Were they wild?"

"They were certainly savages," she said. "I was fourteen, and the very friend who had saved my life a mere two years earlier wilfully betrayed me. I still don't understand, to this day, what happened to turn her into the monster she became. We went to the school dance together; it was to be an old fashioned girl's night out that would have concluded with a sleepover at my place. Shortly after we arrived, however, she started lavishing all her attention on a boy she liked, and ignored me. I was left in the middle of the social even of the year without a companion, standing awkwardly aside and forced to turn down any offer to dance in order to illustrate what a girls' night out ought to really be. The other kids soon started mocking me, their laughter biting as deeply as a wolf's fangs." She sighed. "I hope you understand me better now."

* * *

><p>Billy took a deep breath. He had been struggling not to laugh after she had recounted her supposed near starvation, but she had gone from amusing to seriously offending with her second story.<p>

He told himself very firmly that he was calm. He tried to unclench his fists, failed, and took another deep, slow breath. There was no reason to get angry over some girl making a big drama out of wandering away from her parents at thirteen. Even if that was the same age he'd been when the Baroness had smooth talked him into a suicide mission to kill his father. He felt his upper lip curl up in a snarl and took a third slow breath, counting to ten and then back. He decreed again to himself that he was calm, that he was not at all tempted to strangle the stupid little tragic ninja wannabe. Even if she'd pushed the idiocy even further with her next story, acting as though kids laughing at her for being a stuck up drama queen was the same as being thrown to the wolves, at the same age he'd been training with a brainwashed ninja and desperately trying to undo that brainwashing before said ninja became convinced the only safe place for them was back with Cobra. He tried to force his fists opened again, with no more success than before. He tried telling himself again that he was not angry, but the feeling of his nails digging into his palms said otherwise. Okay, he conceded to himself, he was angry. But he wasn't going to let it affect his judgment.

Especially since Kamakura, who had lost his biological father and adopted a genetically modified doppelganger as his new one at age fourteen, starting a life on the run from the terrorist organization he'd been, up to that point, raised to obey, was hyperventilating a bit. Billy needed to keep a cool head and he needed to help Sean do the same. He decided to gamble on a bit of pressure relief.

"I totally understand you now," he said in answer to Heliksa's expressed hope that they understood her better now. "I thought you were an idiot, but now I know you're an EPIC idiot."

The girl turned red in indignation, but Kamakura barked a laugh before hastily covering his mouth with his hand.

"Please forgive him, Miss Hauser," Kamakura said in a perfectly fake apologetic tone. "He is troubled by things that happened in his own youth, and tends to think other people's tragedies do not compare to his." He turned to Billy and scowled. "Apologize," he demanded.

Billy hung his head and muttered an apology, holding back a grin; Heliksa seemed mollified by the idea she needed to make allowances for the poor perturbed youth that he was, he now had an excuse to mouth off again if need be, and Kamakura was back in perfect control. If only their charge could suddenly lose the ability to speak, all would be perfect.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

Sorry, this took a bit longer than I thought it would, but I didn't want to split this chapter just to post faster.

Oh, a quick note in case you're wondering: Heliksa was only told her escorts were in the military, so she thinks of them both as soldiers. This is in fact wrong since Billy is not enlisted, but she doesn't know any better and in this case, it's actually not her fault! Shocking, I know.

Next time: it's party time! And you get to meet the mysterious Frederick.


	5. Chapter 4: Frederick

**Chapter 4: Frederick**

Fred XI looked at himself appraisingly in the mirror, trying to make sure that every detail of his costume would fit Heliksa's idea of perfection. He turned his head this way and that to check that his makeup and elf ears looked right, examined his shirt and pants carefully, and checked his jewellery count against his notes. He cursed under his breath upon noticing that he was still missing one ankle bracelet on his left leg and one necklace. He shuffled the rumpled sheets on his bed around, but although he could hear some clanking, no amount of digging was turning up the missing trinkets. He eventually cursed out loud and yanked the sheets off, causing the silly costume jewels to fall noisily to the floor. He picked them up and put them on grumbling about stupid teenagers and their stupid elf fantasies involving said elves clanking like frigging bell choirs on each step.

This had to be the most annoying assignment ever. When he'd been made a Fred, the first of the new younger wave of Fred Broca doppelgangers, he'd been suitably proud and excited. The pride was still there, but the girl he had been instructed to seduce had very efficiently killed any excitement over his new position.

And what was all his trouble for? Why was he enduring the torment of not only being in the girl's company but of having to pretend to adore her and of having to humour her in every way to make sure she was completely smitten with him? What was the worth of his spending the last few weeks in hell?

He was a lure, a measly bait in a scheme designed to punish some corrupt ex general turned politician. The man had accepted a $10,000 bribe to heartily promote a construction project as being good for the community despite the fact it clearly wasn't. After pocketing the money, the ex general had failed to ever so much as mention the project.

The bribe was, by Cobra's standards, insignificant. The goal, even more so: the project had since been cancelled for completely unrelated reasons. The only problem was that Cobra could hardly let someone get away with conning them. Therefore, Heliksa's uncle was to be punished. He was unmarried and had no children of his own, but he was very close to his sister and her daughter, and so, said daughter had been targeted. She was to be abducted tonight and Fred XI would reunite with her at headquarters. There, he would convince her that the kidnapping was actually a rescue operation and talk her into joining Cobra. The high drama of the kidnapping and the 'real life' plot twist were practically guaranteed to make the idiot girl fall for the ploy completely. And once she voluntarily joined them, Cobra would easily be able to end her uncle's career from the scandal, while breaking his heart over his precious niece becoming a terrorist canon fodder. At the height of the man's misery, Cobra would arrange for Miss Hauser to be killed in action.

The thought made Frederick smirk; the idea that the pest would die relatively soon went a long way in lifting his mood, and the Commander's penchant for pettiness was nothing short of amusing. The rumour among the troops was that the idea of ordering the general killed had been immediately dismissed as insufficiently cruel.

If all went according to plan, Heliksa would never make it to the party tonight and Frederick would inquire about her and act panicked, making sure everyone was aware that she was missing before he left to go back to base. Should the kidnapping fail and the girl show up, Fred was to put on a show and run away with her, straight into Cobra's arms, while 'explaining' the situation to her. It was far less dramatic in itself, so a lot rested on his qualities as an actor to ham it up enough for 'Firecat' to deem the scenario a worthy addition to her life story.

He sighed heavily and left his room to head for the dance, dreading to find Heliksa there and to have to endure her for the evening, yet at the same time relieved that no matter what, his assignment was at least ending in just a few hours.

* * *

><p>Kamakura stiffened a yawn with some difficulty; Heliksa was chatting with some other girls who seemed to be under the tragic delusion that she was not a complete nutcase, and the other kids were busy partying as loudly as they could. Billy and he had long since grown tired of playing 'spot the undercover greenshirt or Joe', and nothing of note was happening. Cobra was a complete no show, a fact Sean was having a hard time acknowledging as a good thing; if nothing else, a nice battle would have killed some time.<p>

He glanced at Billy, wondering whether his fellow apprentice was as bored as he was and partly dreading to find him unnaturally alert and lively; his sword brother was a lot better than Kamakura at standing guard with unwavering enthusiasm despite a complete lack of anything happening.

He almost laughed out loud. Billy was just as alert as he had feared, but his eye was constantly going back to the snack table, and the poor sweet deprived brunette was obviously having no end of trouble concentrating on anything else than the tray of cupcakes. Sean took pity on him and stepped closer to whisper at him.

"Look, I didn't want to force you, but you're looking suspicious," he chastised. "A normal teenager would eat something as soon as he found himself with nothing better to do. Why do you think I've already had two cookies and a glass of punch?"

Billy's eye widened. "You're right," he whispered back. "I really need to put the mission first."

And with that, Storm Shadow's apprentice quickly walked over to the snack table. He came back with a wide grin, a can of coke and not one but two cupcakes, each more icing than cake. He shrugged at Sean's snicker.

"Sensei would make me regret even just one cupcake," he whispered. "I might as well make it worth his time and besides, I feel I earned this." He picked up one of the forbidden treats, took a small bite out of it, closed his mouth and sighed in delight, looking as though he had found heaven.

Sean chuckled and, letting his brother enjoy his sweets, cast his eyes around for their charge. He found her in the doorway, locked in a passionate deep throat kiss with who he assumed was her precious Frederick. He couldn't see the boy's face, but even from the back, it was easy to tell he was a good match for Heliksa; he was dressed in an elf getup as ridiculous as his date's.

Kamakura also noticed, with a slight pang of irritation, that the doorway was precisely the location Billy had been looking towards from the moment he'd started heading back from the snack table; a quick look revealed a downright smug expression on the younger apprentice's face.

"I won't tell you lost sight of her for a full minute," Billy whispered, smirking. "Call it repayment for helping me improve my cover." He raised his coke in a toast and took a swallow, somehow managing to smile smugly right through it.

* * *

><p>Heliksa sighed happily as she parted from Frederick. She smiled up at him, giving him bedroom eyes that made him smile as well.<p>

"My saviour," she said softly, caressing his cheek. "I've had the most dreadful night!" she continued in her normal tone. "I did tell you about those horrible terrorists targeting me, did I not?"

Her love nodded soberly before gathering her in a comforting hug. "You were going to get a military escort, were you not?"

She snorted. "Indeed," she said. "Two boys of less than twenty, and they fancy themselves ninja. They've of course done nothing but get in my way. It's a miracle they didn't manage to get me captured or worse!"

Frederick pulled her away from himself a bit to lock eyes with her. His gaze held such passion that Heliksa felt her cheeks colour.

"Ninjas?" he asked. "They say they're ninjas?"

She rolled her eyes with a small chuckle. "Absurd, isn't it? And would you believe they are not even advanced enough in whatever martial arts training they're actually doing to realize a different method is not necessarily inferior?"

He frowned slightly. "You mean they said Sensei Johnson was no good?" he asked.

She smiled sadly at him; he was obviously upset, although he was doing his best not to explode. It was just like him to guess at what had happened and to take it to heart.

"I'm afraid so," she said. "But it's difficult to remain offended for very long, considering how poor their judgement is on everything; one might as well take offense at the chirping of birds. I've actually had to detail some events of my past to them before they finally understood that I was not some helpless damsel in need of their protection."

He snorted. "And where are they now? Did you manage to get rid of them?"

"No," she replied in a sigh. "That's them over there." She looked in the boys' direction. "Pirate Boy and Mr Ninja."

* * *

><p>Kamakura's eyes widened and he couldn't quite hold a slight gasp when Heliksa's supposed soul mate turned towards them. The seemingly young man, for his part, snarled slightly when he spotted Billy and grabbed his girlfriend from behind, using her as a shield and whispering urgently in her ear.<p>

Billy didn't need any more clues to react; Kamakura clearly recognized their charge's boyfriend, and said boyfriend had recognized him on sight and was suddenly using his precious true love as a shield while trying to explain why to her. He'd never seen what the Freds looked like, but he did know they were blond and designed to blend in; Heliksa's boyfriend fit the bill closely enough to confirm his guess.

"Frederick Broca, I presume?" he called out.

Some of the Joes and greenshirts were moving, slipping out the side doors with the obvious intent to come back through the main door and to get the Cobra operative from behind. All Sean and him had to do was to keep Heliksa's pretend soul mate busy for a few minutes. He figured the best way to do that was to keep the conversation going and to act like they didn't know what to do; hopefully, Broca would not notice that he had more foes around than just the two of them.

"And I'm guessing your friend is the traitor Collins' kid," the cobra replied with a snarl. "Am I right, Billy? Oh, you two are going to make me a very nice bonus!"

"You should get away from him, Miss Hauser," Sean said. "I don't know what he's telling you, but he's with Cobra."

"Yes, Firecat, show us a good ninja escape move," Billy said with a smirk, unable to resist. He quickly became serious again. "You met Frederick recently, didn't you? After your uncle's troubles started? And he was everything you ever wished for, wasn't he?"

"Frederick?" Heliksa asked, straining her neck and her eyes in an effort to look at her boyfriend. "Is it true? Are you with Cobra?"

"I am, my beloved," Fred XI replied. "But like I was just explaining, Cobra is the victim of a very successful smear campaign. They…"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Billy exploded, losing his calm in the face of the all too familiar nonsense – Broca was sounding unnervingly like Storm Shadow had while he'd been brainwashed into believing Cobra were the good guys. "What's next, you're going to tell her you're…"

Kamakura slapped a hand on Billy's mouth, cutting him off. "Don't go giving him ideas," he admonished. Then, much lower, "I'm pretty sure it'd be better to find out why he's putting on such a ridiculous show than to stop it."

"Your attempts at making the truth sound far fetched will not work!" Frederick said in a theatrical tone. "Firecat, my darling, you must listen to me! I wouldn't lie to you, you're everything to me! Things are not what they seem; Cobra is trying to help you!"

Fred XI was thinking as fast as he could. Why weren't the two ninja trainees doing anything? He forced himself to ignore it to keep talking as fast as he could. If his growing suspicions were correct and he was indeed surrounded by Joes, his best bet was to complete as much of his mission as he could and hope it'd be good enough for Cobra to bother breaking him out when he got captured. "Trust me!" he begged the girl while backing up towards the door. "Trust the Commander! You're even more to him than to me!" he improvised. "You must have felt it… you're not like everyone else! You…"

He didn't get any further. He felt the prick of a needle in his neck and the drug took effect almost instantly; his body went limp, his thoughts ran away from him and he collapsed, fast asleep, dragging Heliksa down with him.

* * *

><p>Frederick cushioned her fall even as he fell unconscious. Heliksa got up on her hands and knees, her hands on her fallen soul mate's shoulders, and shot a glare at the soldier who had crept up behind them to shoot her love in the neck with a syringe she assumed had been filled with poison.<p>

"How despicable!" she cried "Have you no honour at all? How could you attack someone from behind?"

The soldier looked suitably embarrassed, his eyes wide from the blow she had just dealt him by making him see the horror of his own actions. Sadly for him, she did not feel he deserved much sympathy.

"And you chose the most cowardly of weapons!" she continued, raising her voice so that all could hear. "You poisoned an innocent young man, a civilian! Your career is OVER, soldier! I will see to it!"

The soldier shook his head, clearly wishing he could go back and undo his actions. "It's tranquilizer," he said.

She looked down at Frederick, barely daring to hope, and let out a cry of joy; her beloved was breathing and was indeed merely asleep. She recomposed a stern air and looked up at the soldier again.

"This does not excuse your assaulting him from behind," she said.

Intent on ignoring any protest on his part, she finished getting up and rounded on Pirate Boy and Mr. Ninja. "And you two!" she said in a slight snarl. "None of this would have happened if you'd trusted me to take care of myself! I hope you are proud of yourselves!"

Mr. Ninja groaned and slapped his own forehead in a touching display of shame, but Pirate Boy frowned slightly. "You can't be serious," he said. "Even you can't actually be THAT clueless."

She scowled at him. "At your age, haven't you learned yet that teasing a girl is not the way to secure her affections? I have no reason to indulge you any longer!" Her eyes widened as a new truth dawned on her. "This is all your doing, isn't it?" she accused Pirate Boy. "You planned all this to try and eliminate your rival for my love!"

She then turned her back on him, Mr Ninja and the rest of the crowd to march out the door, stopping just long enough to look lovingly down at Frederick and whisper a promise that she would be back for him. She heard someone ordering two new soldiers to escort her home and ignored it, just like she ignored the two men when they caught up to her. She had far too much to ponder about Cobra and her life to bother with the imposed company.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

Thanks for reading! I hope Heliksa continues to be amusingly clueless and annoying. Sorry I couldn't give her as much time to be silly in this chapter, I kind of needed to move the plot along if this torture is ever going to end…

And as a reminder, just in case you're actually considering feeling sorry or worried for her, she lives to annoy her cellmate years later, as seen in the prologue.

And yes, it's safe to assume Billy will indeed pay for his snack when Storm Shadow gets a hold of him. But the cupcakes were worth it.


	6. Chapter 5: Cobra

**Chapter 5: Cobra**

Fred XII took a deep breath when the crimson guardsmen who had been disposing of the guards surrounding the Hauser house signalled the course was clear. He had read his predecessor's reports and had been briefed on what had happened at the party, and he was not looking forward to starting his assignment of passing himself off as the girl's boyfriend and picking up where Fred XI had left off. Not looking forward to it at all.

He reminded himself of how well he was getting paid for this, took out the key he'd been given for the front door and let himself in. He silently made his way to the stairs, climbed them just as quietly, and soon found himself in front of the girl's bedroom door. He slipped in the room to find his quarry fast asleep. He tiptoed to the bed and softly called her name.

She snored in answer.

He put one hand on her mouth and shook her awake. She cried out in his hand, but her startled expression changed to delight when she saw him and she sprang up to hug him tightly.

"You escaped!" she exclaimed happily.

His eyes widened and he quickly covered her mouth again, putting a finger to his lips. "Shh!" he urged. "Your parents!"

Her eyes widened too and she nodded to indicate that she understood. He took his hand off her mouth and tried to listen out for any sign that the Hausers may have woken up. He didn't get a chance to focus on that for very long, however; Heliksa started whispering and his role required that he pay attention.

"Oh, my love, I was so worried!" she said. "I feared that revealing my destiny to me had cost you everything!"

Fred carefully hid his confusion; the report he'd read mentioned nothing of the sort. He quickly decided to just assume that his intel on the last interactions between his predecessor and the General's niece was unreliable.

"Firecat my darling," he said in a whisper, imitating her melodramatic tone, "I honestly don't know what I managed to tell you. I thought I was losing you, and I was in such a panic! I don't want to repeat myself needlessly now; time is not on our side. Tell me what is already clear, and ask any question you want."

She smiled at him. "Oh, Frederick, you didn't need to say much. I know you so well that everything fell into place very quickly."

He nodded exactly as if he'd had any idea what she was talking about. She certainly appeared to still be enamoured with him, which bode well for his talking her into joining Cobra. He just needed not to mess up so badly that she'd notice.

"My first realization was that this was never about my uncle," she said, still whispering. "I was Cobra's objective all along."

Fred didn't have time to decide whether he should contest that 'realization' or whether it was for the best that the girl was so self absorbed as to think that; Heliksa was still talking.

"Secondly, although this is hardly a new realization since I've known since we've met, you love me with all your heart."

Well, this at least was familiar territory; it was precisely what he had been ordered to pretend. He seized her closest hand and gave it a kiss.

"It's obvious to me that an evil person could never love someone like me; evil does not love goodness and beauty. Therefore, you must be good. It also follows that you must be a good judge of character, since you knew from the start that we belonged together."

The crimson guardsmen once again struggled not to let his face show his thoughts; at that precise moment, he was thinking of witches weighing the same as ducks and having a hard time not laughing. Unable to think of a suitable response, he squeezed her hand and looked her in the eyes.

"You told me all was not what it seemed," Heliksa continued, still mercifully whispering. "It was all you needed to say, my love. I know you meant that Cobra was not the evil they appear to be, and I know that you would not be wrong in that."

"Your genius is one of many things I love about you," Fred XII said, delighted. At this rate, getting Heliksa to follow him and join Cobra would be a piece of cake. In fact, he was starting to allow himself to hope she had already convinced herself for him.

She graced him with a smile and continued. "Cobra needs me, doesn't it?" she asked. "Despite the appearances, you're trying to do something good, something important. And you need my help."

Fred XII mentally shrugged. Whatever floated the girl's boat was fine with him. She'd find out soon enough how wrong she was and at that point, she'd still be made to stay and she'd still eventually be killed.

"Desperately," he said in answer to her assertion that Cobra needed her help. "You're not like everyone else, my love. There is nobody else who can save us."

She took on a serious expression and nodded gravely. "Can you take me to Cobra now?" she asked.

He nodded in a way that he hoped she'd see as determined and heroic. She got up, revealing a frilly nightgown. "Let's go," she said. "Lead the way, my love. Take me to my destiny!"

He briefly debated whether to suggest she put on some clothes but decided against it; she was clearly quite happy to leave right away, and he had been instructed to feed her taste for drama. He took her hand and guided her out of the house and to his car. She leaned over and kissed him when they sat down in the car. As required by his role, he kissed back, happily thinking that this assignment would be over soon and enjoying her temporary silence.

* * *

><p>Heliksa could feel her heart hammering as Frederick drove them off into the night, towards her new life.<p>

She opened her window and threw her head back, breathing in the night air. This was Firecat's first breath… taken at high speed, in the dead of the night, with her love by her side. It was just so perfect.

She would not have been able to say how long the drive was; it seemed as though they were walking into an abandoned mall mere seconds after they left her house. Her breath caught when she stepped through the door, leaving the dark and decrepit parking lot for a bright hub of activity, filled with men in uniform and strange machines. She felt herself filled anew with a great sense of purpose, and smiled as some of the men gazed at her. They were quick to focus back on their various tasks, but she caught a gleam in their eyes; they knew she was the answer to their prayers, and only their dedication drove them back to their work when they were no doubt dying to throw themselves at her feet instead.

Frederick, wasting no time, guided her straight to an ornate door.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She nodded firmly, grinning. He knocked on the door and upon hearing an invitation to do so, they let themselves in.

She stood tall as she stepped into the office of the man who so desperately needed her help to save the World. She was quite excited, but felt it was important to remain composed and to exude calm and grace in order to make the Commander feel safe and comfortable.

The Commander was standing by a window, hands joined behind his back and looking out into the darkness of the night. He turned his head towards them and his whole body relaxed at the sight of her.

"Miss Hauser…" he said. His voice was filled with wonder and just like the rumours said, he extended the s sounds, giving his voice a uniquely snake-like quality.

She swallowed and nodded. "Commander. I understand you are in desperate need of my assistance."

The man turned fully towards her and nodded firmly. "Yes. But first, you need to send your family a message. You may not have the chance to contact them again for a long time."

Heliksa felt her heart hammering harder and harder. It was all so serious… one could tell that her mission, her purpose, was vital to Cobra and thus to the World. And the Commander, even though he was obviously deeply moved by her presence, simply exuded urgency and authority.

"I appreciate your solicitude," she said, "but I could never let my family interfere with our objectives and endanger the whole of humanity. I knew I was leaving my loved ones forever when I left my house, and I am ready."

The Commander, obviously shocked by her dedication, took a moment to compose himself. It was remarkable how clear his emotions were to her, despite the mirror mask that hid his face and his rigid posture, which gave nothing away to her eyes. She realized at that moment that their minds were connected; she could read him like a book. Like a wonderful, unimaginably amazing book.

* * *

><p>It was only through a great effort of will that the Commander refrained from strangling both the silly girl and Fred XII on the spot; for the Hauser brat to be so gung ho on getting to work right this second, the crimson guard had to have overdone the whole idea that Cobra was actually fighting for the good of mankind. It wouldn't have been a problem as such, no more than the fact she obviously thought she was personally needed, but as long as the girl refused to send a video message to her parents and uncle, he'd have to keep up the little game, and he had absolutely no desire to do so; he'd kept up this kind of act for three years the last time, and he was STILL sick of it.<p>

"I insist," he hissed, quickly improvising an argument. "One cannot gain strength from immoral actions, and allowing your family to think that misfortune befell you would certainly be reprehensible. It will take but a few minutes to fulfill your family obligations, freeing your mind and your soul to then assist me."

Heliksa opened her mouth to protest, but the Commander put up his hand. "I insist," he repeated. "Miss Hauser, you do realize that I will, in the future, ask much more difficult things of you? Would you really start refusing me now?"

Her eyes widened slightly and, for reasons he didn't care to guess at, she smiled. "Of course not, Commander," she said, shaking her head slightly. She turned to the young man replacing the one who had been pretending to be her boyfriend. "Frederick, would you show me the way?"

"Of course," the siegie replied with a smile, offering his arm.

The girl took it and off they went. The Commander sat back at his desk and started going through some of his files on his latest plan.

The couple was back a mere ten minutes later. They knocked, and Fred XII asked to be let in with the assurance that the recording was made. The Commander smiled; he was now free to stop his little act. Heliksa did not need to be a willing trooper to be put on the front lines and get herself killed, after all.

"Come in," he called back, his voice genuinely happy.

* * *

><p>Heliksa followed Frederick in the office, smiling. The Commander was sitting at his desk this time, poring over files that she could easily guess were about her.<p>

"Did you tell your parents that you were going to serve Cobra of your own free will?" he asked the moment they came in the door.

"Of course. I explained everything. Rest assured that they will understand and share my devotion to Cobra."

The Commander laughed then, so great was his joy that Firecat was now free of the bonds of her previous life. She felt her heart hammering again and, unable to deny the connection she shared with the leader of Cobra any longer, turned to Frederick. He deserved her honesty.

"Oh, Frederick," she said softly. "You know how much I love you." She grabbed his hands and looked deep into his eyes. She could gaze right into his soul, and she knew that he could see into hers just as well. "Never forget that, for I know this will be difficult for you. You can probably read it in my heart, but how could I expect you to believe what you see there? I don't want you to deceive yourself, my love. I need you to know the truth."

Frederick frowned. "You've got to be kidding," he started.

She put a finger on his lips. "I would never," she assured him. "I love you as much now as ever. How could it be otherwise? You and I are soul mates. You are my Lancelot, Frederick."

Frederick, no doubt traumatized, laughed. "And he's your Arthur?" he asked, pointing at the Commander.

She nodded soberly. The Commander, clearly stunned with delight, did not move.

* * *

><p>The Commander took a second to absorb exactly what the teenaged drama queen was saying, then snorted. "King Arthur? And you think he's Lancelot? You really are delusional."<p>

Heliksa blinked and frowned, puzzled. "I… I do apologize for being so direct, Commander," she said, "but why deny your feelings? And why deny Frederick's? Don't you know how close we are?"

Fred XII snickered. "Close? We only met tonight and you couldn't tell me apart from your previous Frederick. Who, if you're wondering, is still in custody."

Heliksa frowned, confused. "You mean to tell me you are not Frederick?"

"I'm a Fred II series crimson guardsman, and so is he. I'd rather strangle you than kiss you again, and trust me, so would he."

"My pain at losing Frederick was so great that I was blind, it seems," Heliksa said after a moment's reflection, addressing Fred XII. "But I forgive you. I understand why you did it, and I appreciate the honesty you're displaying now." She turned to the Commander. "I assume my first mission is to rescue the true Frederick, our dear Lancelot, from his unfair captivity?"

"He's not particularly dear to me," the Commander said with a shrug, "and if I'm to believe his reports, he'd rather stay where he is than have to put up with you again. He was seducing you on my orders, girl. You're just the tool we used to make your uncle pay for his arrogance. We have no need of you beyond that and as a matter of fact…"

"No need of me?" she interrupted. "I… I don't understand."

"Okay, I'll spell it out for you," Fred XII said, grinning nastily. "You were tricked into telling your family that you were a willing member of Cobra. This will hopefully kill your uncle's career and even if it doesn't, it will hurt him."

"Don't be foolish," she scolded. "I've explained to them that Cobra is actually…"

"You've told them we were actually trying to save the World and that we were misunderstood, and that only you could help us achieve our goals," Fred XII cut her off. "Unlike you, they're not stupid enough to believe that the same organization who was threatening your uncle and who tried its best to kill your two bodyguards, the same organization who regularly does murder people, hundreds or thousands at a time whenever it can manage it, is misunderstood. And darling, only you would believe that Cobra could possibly need the likes of you."

* * *

><p>Heliksa didn't answer right away. This was certainly an unexpected and tragic development; she was once more betrayed, and this time, it was by the very one she had mistaken for her soul mate.<p>

Her innocence had been abused, she had been tricked. She was the victim of a cruel prank, and worse yet, her one _true_ soul mate, the masked man she had come here to meet, seemed blind to their connection.

It was without a doubt the greatest tragedy the world had ever known, and she was the innocent, beautiful and pure maiden at the center of it. She felt a burst of courage radiate through her and she looked straight at the Commander's visor, staring at her own reflection.

"I will not allow for our love to die," she declared.

"I wasn't clear enough, was I? I don't…"

"I know you can't see it yet," she interrupted, her voice steadily rising in passion. "It matters not! I will endure anything for you! I will be the ever loving soul, the one who gives everything and expects nothing in return. I will be…"

"Do you even HEAR yourself?" the Commander asked, spreading his arms.

She nodded. "I do, my love, and no amount of scorn will deter me. I know you will eventually feel what I feel and in the meantime, I will be by your side always, dedicated and yours body and soul. I will be the pure beacon…"

"You think I'm going to fall for you?" he asked. "You call that expecting nothing in return? And you're going to serve me, are you? To do whatever I ask?"

She ignored the rhetorical questions and only answered the last two. "Yes."

"I'm working on a plan right now that requires thousands to die a horrible death. You're okay with that, are you?"

Heliksa's heart was hammering; he was truly magnificent. "I don't care," she said honestly. "I will love you until you love me back."

"So… you're going to help me murder my way to taking over the world, just to try and make me fall in love with you? I should get you to make another recording, this is gold."

Heliksa nodded, determined to courageously face her tragic destiny and to do whatever it took to win her love.

The Commander drummed his fingers on the desk. After a second, he got up, walked to the door and called someone in. One of the uniformed troops she had seen on her way to the office came in, walking rigidly.

"Give her your gun," the Commander ordered his soldier, pointing at her.

Heliksa took the weapon jubilantly. This was it, she was in!

"Kill him," the Commander ordered her, leaning on his desk to observe.

The trooper jumped backwards and backed off as far from her as he could, babbling protests.

She pointed the gun and pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p>The Commander was divided between rolling his eyes and laughing: the girl had shot, but the recoil had made her fall on her behind and the shot had not even been near hitting the hapless trooper, who was nevertheless curled against the wall, shaking like a leaf and pathetically begging for his life.<p>

He walked to Heliksa and kicked the gun out of her hand. "That settles that;" he said, "loyal but useless in a fight. I'm putting you on cleaning detail."

He figured he could get her killed any old time; he might as well enjoy the misguided dedication in the meantime.

* * *

><p>Billy came out of his debriefing with all senses on alert, expecting his sensei to materialize out of thin air any second. He knew he was going to pay for the two cupcakes and the coke, accepted it, but he was certainly not looking forward to it.<p>

He reached the quarters he shared with Storm Shadow with no incident, however, and even there, was not pounced on by an angry sugar phobic ninja. Instead, he found a sticky note on the door ordering him to the dojo.

Well, maybe a night of working off the calories would satisfy Tommy. He set off at a quick pace, figuring the less he waited, the better his sensei's mood would be. He found Tommy going through a kata he wasn't familiar with.

Billy bowed, stepped on the mat, sat and waited. He resisted the urge to clear his throat, knowing his sensei had heard him already, and contented himself with watching the kata.

He didn't have to wait long; Tommy finished a last sequence and came to a stop, facing him with his arms crossed.

"So?" he asked, his voice low. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Billy blinked; he hadn't expected to get a chance to justify pigging out, but Storm Shadow sounded like this was a far more serious business than he had thought.

"It was looking suspicious for me to keep looking at the food and not have any," he said. He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "I know, I know, I kind of took advantage of it, but…"

"This isn't about the sweets," Tommy interrupted. "I'll just make you work those off, and you're the one who will suffer through reinforced sugar cravings. I also hear the Hauser girl qualifies as pre-emptive punishment."

The ninja stepped closer to his apprentice and poked his shoulder, hitting the precise spot the bullet had entered, right through the bandages Doc had applied on the young man's return to the Pit.

Billy bit back a yelp but felt his eye water. "Right," he gasped. "Not allowed to get shot, I'm guessing?"

"You DOVE in front of a BULLET."

"Well, yeah, I had to shove our stupid charge out of the…"

"You would have me believe that the exact angle you took, the one that put you straight in the path of that bullet, was the absolute only one you could use, would you?"

"No…" Billy stammered. "I just… I didn't analyze all that, I kind of just reacted! Bullets do go pretty fast, you know," he continued in a voice growing more and more annoyed. "I couldn't exactly take an hour to plan my move!"

Tommy forced himself to take a deep breath. "You shouldn't NEED an hour," he said. "Up."

Billy got up, clenching his jaw. He knew that tone; it was the 'you're in for a whole night of hurting' tone.

Six hours later, he could attest that the tone, as ever, had not lied. Or rather, he could have spoken to the fact had he had any energy leftover for speech.

* * *

><p>Wanda Pike felt her upper lip curl up in a snarl under her mask. She'd heard of trying to enjoy one's job, but this was ridiculous. It wasn't that she minded her work as such, but the fact was that the main good thing about scrubbing after a bunch of jerks trying to take over the world was the generous pay check. There was just no reason at all to smile like a loon and sing happy little songs while in the middle of cleaning one of the many glass walls in the disaffected mall this branch of Cobra was using as a base.<p>

"Will you stop humming already?" she hissed at her co-worker. "What IS that, anyway?"

The girl lifted her nose at her. "I do apologize for not providing you with a listing of the songs in my repertoire," she said, "but not recognizing this particular piece is no excuse to interrupt me so rudely. For your edification, this was the instrumental version of _Hum While You Clean_."

Wanda's grip on her mop tightened. There were so many things wrong with what the girl had just said she didn't even know where to start. She settled for just ignoring the statement altogether. "What are you so happy about anyway?" she asked. "Look, I know the pay's good, but…"

That drew a frown. "I am most certainly not here for mere financial gains! I…"

Heliksa was interrupted by a loud bell. Wanda felt her spine snap in position and the hair on the back of her neck stand to attention.

The singing wonder blinked, clueless as to what was going on. The other custodian supposed she would be; it WAS the Commander's first visit since Hauser had started over a month earlier.

"The Commander is on base!" she hissed. "Stand up! For crying out loud, we're right next to his office! He's going to walk RIGHT BY US! STAND UP!"

* * *

><p>Heliksa gasped as her heart leapt in joy. Finally, her love was back for her! She stood straight and proud, shoulders back and chin high, ready for him to falter at the sight of her.<p>

He stopped in front of her, his gleaming mask reflecting her face. "You," he said, "in my office."

Heliksa nodded crisply and followed her Commander, her soul mate, into the office he occupied when he was in town. She realized she was still holding her bottle of glass cleaner and her rag, and elected to keep them; let it be a gentle reminder to the Commander of what he'd already put her through, of what she had already endured for their love.

He sat at his desk and gestured her to close the door behind her. She did so and sat down as well, across from him.

"I have missed you terribly," she chided, "but I trust our separation was worth it and that our plans have advanced?"

"I hear you're not getting along with the other employees here," he said.

She smiled, touched. He was too concerned for her well being to even hear talks of their longer term hopes. "They are indeed rather coarse, but it is nothing I cannot endure if it helps achieve our dreams."

"Yes, well. I'm sending you on a mission," he said, leaning closer to her. "There's a chemical production laboratory on Finance Street…"

She lost track of his words, hypnotized by his commanding voice and the light playing on his helmet. There was a slight smudge on the upper right portion of the mirrored mask and she was forcefully reminded of the many times she had fixed Frederick's hair. She smiled slightly at the thought of the foolish boy who had sought to trick her and manipulate her emotions, only to deliver her in the arms of her one true love. It occurred to her that what she had done for her false love, she needed to do as well for the man she was destined to. How could she, however, when the light of her life never took off his helmet? She spotted the smudge again and suddenly, knew exactly what tender gesture she could do in lieu of straightening the Commander's hair.

* * *

><p>"So once you've disposed of the guards," the Commander said, carefully hiding how unlikely he figured that was to happen, "you…"<p>

_Spritz._

He never finished his sentence, momentarily shocked into utter silence and stillness. The girl had just sprayed his helmet with glass cleaner. Before his brains could decide whether to kill her on the spot or torture her first, she leaned over his desk and started polishing his mask, smiling tenderly.

He glared at her through the mask, feeling a vein throbbing, and finally managed to grab her arm. "What do you think you're doing?" he screamed.

She smiled. "You had a smudge."

He took a sharp intake of breath and suddenly, wanted nothing more than to pop her bubble. "I'm married, you know."

It was technically true; he had never actually divorced his wife. He had no idea whether she was even still alive, but he supposed it was more likely that she was than not.

She shrugged. "We are soul mates. She'll just have to find someone else."

He let go of her arm and sagged in his chair. "Whatever. You have your instructions. Go."

The girl's eyes widened briefly before she took to contemplating her fingernails in a vain attempt at looking nonchalant. The Commander briefly contemplated making her squirm a bit before finally forcing her to admit she didn't know what her instructions were, but that scenario involved enduring her presence longer. He opted for the direct approach, content in the knowledge that he was sending the foolish girl to her death or at the very least to her capture.

"I take it you were distracted while I explained your mission. You'll just have to make it up to me by making do with a shortened version." He scribbled the address of the lab and the name of the chemical he wanted her to try and steal on a piece of paper and handed it to her. "Go there, steal that. Don't get caught. Got it?"

* * *

><p><em>- Fifteen Years Later -<em>

"Alas," Heliksa said with a heavy sigh, leaning on the bars of her cell, "no human, not even a ninja like myself, could have possibly completed this mission. And to make things worse, the Commander was wrongly informed that I had died… how else would he have failed to free me in all this time? Destiny has robbed me of my true love."

"Yeah," her cellmate said. "Destiny and what? A dozen convictions for murder and one for attempted terrorism? I mean, you bombed a lab full of scientists."

"It's hardly my fault my soul mate's dream is to take over the World!" Heliksa said. "I did what I did for love! And there's still time… he'll come for me yet. We'll be reunited at last!"

"Yeah," her cellmate chuckled. "Maybe now it's time. Or maybe when you wake."

Heliksa started babbling something in answer, but her cellmate picked up the book she had on loan from the prison library and tuned her out.

**Fin**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes<strong>

Yes, those two lines WERE totally lifted from Annie's "Maybe". Consider yourselves lucky I never had the urge to incorporate the whole of "Tomorrow" into a story. :P

This was meant to be a quick epilogue, but Cobra has this tendency to take more words than I intend to give them. I hope you enjoyed and that this chapter was still fun despite the near complete lack of apprentice torture.

Thanks for reading!


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